Arrrr!

New discovery: languages for Facebook.

I think only assholes change their language, personally. The people who take Spanish or Italian and decide to switch it to Espanol or Italiano are, in general, jerks.

This was until I found the "English: Pirate" setting.

It's amazing. The links on top read Home Port, Me, Me Hearties, and Bottle o' Messages. Logout is now Abandon Ship. And posts we're made 40 minutes ago, they were made 40 Shots o' Rum Ago.

Try it out. It will never get old.

Numbers!

I just got Google Analytics. There are just so many numbers, charts, graphs... I don't even know what to do with myself.

There may be many numbers, but all of them are small. I had two visitors yesterday.

The things is, I can tell where both were from, what OS they have, the browser they used, and their ISP. It's so precise I'm pretty sure I can isolate who one of them was - I'm going to say the Mac-using, Firefox-having visitor was probably Bryan. Especially because one of my visitors came through algomaha.

The other one is a mystery. God knows who else would read this thing.

How awesome is this?

Congrats to former Kaos standout Matt Landen, who recently graced the (virtual) pages of PEZ Cycling News making a move on Levi Leipheimer at Sea Otter.

Makes me not feel so bad about not being able to hold his wheel on TT workouts.

Dee Zee

I love Dave Zabriskie.

UPDATE: In more somber news, Dave was the victim of a break-in while at the ToC. Two of his cars, 13 of his bikes, and his Olympic ring were stolen, among other things. What a bummer. I hope they find his stuff.

FUN FACT

Fun fact: Remember how Canadian superstud Svein Tuft took a surprising silver medal the World TT Championships? Yeah, me too.

I just read that Tuft's old squad, Symmetrics, has an annual budget less than Fabian Cancellara's yearly salary.

Which makes Svein Tuft just an unbelievable badass.

AP Photo/Marcelo Hernandez

OH MY GOD, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE... SALE

Evacuate the schoolchildren!

Speaking of evacuation, you know the Tea Fire you've seen on the news lately, that one in Montecito? It came within a half mile of burning down my grandmother's house. Check out some of the pictures of it. Also, my favorite climb was burned from the base most of the way to the top. And the top was burned over the summer.

To show you just how close it got: See the road in the bottom of this picture I stole from Getty/AFP? I ride it every single day when I'm in Santa Barbara. And it takes me ten minutes to get to this house from my grandma's front door.


I ride under these high tension power lines also. They're in the hills above the city.


And my dad, who just happened to be in town, took this picture from the back deck before they were evacuated for three days.


So it's been a harrowing couple of days, wondering if the house would burn or not. In the end, the flames were contained about half a mile from her house in the foothills. If you're interested or intrepid enough (Bryan, I'm thinking of you here), you can check out how close Kenmore Place is to the fire boundaries. It's in Mission Canyon, an areas adorned by permanent "Extreme Fire Danger" signs and one of the areas in the city designated by the fire department as "a loss:" if the flames get in, it cannot be defended and the whole canyon will be left to burn.

So I'm glad it didn't come to that, because we just bought our tickets to go out there for Christmas.

Hey guys, remember that time this happened to me? Yeah. Me too.

Makin' enemies

Apparently, I'm making enemies at record pace in the cycling community. I would imagine I'm reasonably well respected in the cycling community - I try not to step on anybody's toes, and though I may not have the greatest results, I think they're good enough to get me some esteem, right? And in general, I think I'm usually a nice guy on the bike. I don't suck wheels, and I try my best to be inclusive on group rides.

And yet, I am getting grief from a fellow cyclist via Facebook.

Remember that junior from Minnesota who raced at Norfolk over the summer? He's a strong cyclist, but his primary sport is speedskating. Apparently he's really good, as his goal is to represent the USA in the 2010 Olympics. He won the RR and did well in the crit, if I remember correctly. And I do, because I have pictures of the podiums (podia?) in both cases.

Speaking of those pictures, a few of them ended up on my Facebook in an album handily titled "Norfolk Classic 2008." Initially, it was pretty much just pictures of Ian, Matt, and me, as those were my only Kaos fb friends. But then a few more people were tagged as I friended more NE cyclists (Note: feel free to friend me). I believe it was Jon Downey who tagged Colton Barrett in this very photo:
The caption read "John finished on the podium in the 3s. The junior who won it is a 17-yr-old Olympic speedskating hopeful. I don't know what that means though, because if you think about it, I'm an Olympic hopeful too. Just because I have no chance getting to the Olympics doesn't dampen my hopes of participating."

I thought it was funny. You may or may not feel the same way.

Anyway, Colton commented on it and said "That wasn't necessary." I figured it was a joke, until I got a message from him late last night. He, apparently, didn't see the humor in it. the message reads as follows:

"Hey, so why do you hate me man? Totally ragging on me in that photo where I'm first on the podium, that someone tagged me in. I'm not gonna sit here and bitch you out, but for someone you didn't even talk to when I was at those races in Norfolk and don't know either. Probably shouldn't be doing that because a Jr. beat your team mate. It was a good race, i had fun, but seriously man, kinda makes you look like an ass. Makes your team look that way too. I showed some of the skaters that live with me, they thought the same. Don't want to start an argument, just think about it. If you want me to explain the speedskating thing to you, thats fine. I will, because someone sent you in the wrong direction when the told you that. Olympic hopeful? I'm not just participating in a sport and hoping someday I'll get there. So just think about that.
Colton"

The message says he doesn't want to sit there and bitch me out, but it seems like it does just that. I was pretty confused when I read this. First off, I don't think it's offensive. I could see how it might irk some with gentler sensibilities, but really. This does not seem like a proportionate response. I was tempted to respond in kind, with a thorough bitching-out, but in the end I decided against such a rash measure. Though it is still pretty snarky:

"I'm sorry man, it's intended to be just a harmless joke. I meant no offense when I typed it up a few months ago, and I mean no offense now. I can even take it down if you insist.

Gotta learn how to take a joke."

I see the whole situation as material ripe for blogging. I do like the fact that I have found myself embroiled in an intra-peloton feud, though. Very Armstrong-Simeoni, and very pro.

The daily grind

Okay, well, the three-times-weekly grind.

I now work W/Th/F at WTTW Channel 11 for the Chicago Tonight program. It's pretty cool.

I do paperwork and copies, which is pretty boring. But I also do research, which I LOVE, and I take the guests around during the show, which is also great. I met Jay Mariotti the other day, which I could have done without. But I also got to hang out with watch McCain's speech last night with Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. That was pretty cool.

I'm back!

Got back from Santa Barbara last night at 1am. I rode almost every day, so I hope I'm in better shape. I focused almost entirely on climbing, as the only flat section of SB is along the beach, and that's only a few miles long. Time to test out my fitness on the epic cols of Eastern Nebraska.

That's where you guys come in. Bryan, JP, and Munson, as you guys are the only people who read this blog, we should ride. Soon.

That is all.

I swear I'll post something worthwhile at some point

But not right now. I have a bunch of stuff to write about, but I don't really feel like it right now. So it'll have to wait. In the meantime, my Chicago riding buddy Luke Seeman of XXX Racing pointed this gem out to me. It's an account of Philly Week from Team Type 1 rider Glen Chadwick. Glen provided some entertainment for teammates and fans alike by grabbing a fan's beer, chugging half of it, and tossing it. While he was in the race. At the top of the Wall. It's even caught on video.

Mr. Chadwick, I salute you.

You want to hear something horrifying? In his final attack at Milan-San Remo, after a whole day in the breakaway, Fabian Cancellara generated around 800 watts for two whole minutes. Jesus.

Time Trial!

Some thoughts:

Jesus that was awful.

Nothing like 25 miles of hills and wind to really get you in a good mood.

It was so windy that in the crosswind coming downhill right after the turnaround, I wanted to shift up two gears because I was spinning out - but I couldn't, because I thought if I took one hand off my aero bars, I would get blown over.

Plus, of course, the wind got worse on the way back, when we had to ride dead into it.

Maresh won, but he should have upgraded. Like, a year ago. He beat Pav, albeit by three seconds. He should be in the 3s. Though I'm sure Pav would rip his legs off in a road race.

Matt Landen's TT setup is crazy aero. And with those new Blackwell wheels (80mm rear rim), he's even faster than he used to be.

Lando is selling his Hed 3s and I want to buy them. The problem is, I have no use for them whatsoever. I do so few time trials I really can't justify the expense. If I had a whole TT bike, I could see it, but that's a few years off. Right now, I'm flat freakin' broke and I really shouldn't drop a grand on a wheelset I won't use enough.

Dropping a grand on a wheelset I will use a lot, however, is another story. I'm looking for a new wheelset; I'm tired of the Rovals. Tell your friends.

Wednesday night ride

Went on the Wednesday night last night. It was completely controlled, beginning to end, by Kaos guys. On the way out, Aaron the Mountain Biker just took a flyer after the warmup and we never saw him again. That kid is stupid fast.

So we put together a little chase group and set out after him. It was Dave Rogers, Matt Farnam, Joe Savoie, and me. Our pace was in the 30s until we started into the wind, when it dropped to a measly 27. Got a great rotation going, everybody was looking strong and smooth. Still, we never caught Aaron, and there he was at the turnaround, waiting for us.

On the way back, we worked with the scant tailwind and tried to keep most of the group together. Scott Tarry joined in the fun, as did another dude from Elkhorn Valley I have seen everywhere but never met. I almost answered Dave's attack on the Wall, and stuck with him until the very top. I'm still not very good at carrying my momentum over the top - gotta work on that this year.

All in all, a great ride. I was really excited to be back with the group, and even more excited that I stuck with Dave and Matt all the way to the turnaround. Dave said I was looking good, too. Which just means I'm good at hiding it when I'm in pain. I guess that's good.

Quick aside: As I was typing this, I found a picture of Tom Zirbel's bike from his Gila crash.

Damn.

Also, Bike Masters is doing a double metric century to Harlan, IA on Sunday. I'm doing it. Anybody else want to? I'm looking at you, Mr. Munson.

Time Trial Work!

I looked just like this. But even cooler.

I haven't been on TT bars outside in God knows how long, so I figured I should get in some practice before the race this weekend. I'm glad I did, because I was afraid to tackle even the simplest of turns. But after 2 hrs of low intensity riding, I'm an old pro. Well, more like I can hold a line and turn corners reasonably well now. I'm trying to get some last-minute aero help, too, in the form of a TT helmet from Rich Pearson and hopefully a skinsuit and booties. If I can't get a skinsuit, I don't really care. I'm just trying to do better than last year - a sad, slow 1:11.

I was making this smile/grimace face all day today.

I headed out from my house, got in a good warmup on the smaller climbs around my neighborhood, then headed off down the bike path toward Fort. I planned on doing some repeats around Raven Oaks, then calling it quits because I'm doing the Bike Masters Wednesday night.

I overdid it.

I did Raven Oaks, hit that big monster hill, then went back up the "scenic route," which is almost as hard. Screaming descent though, and much more fun than the white-knuckle descent down the bigger hill. I thought about going home after a few more climbs. I decided not to, and instead headed off to do Hummel Park a few times. I did two trips up each side - but after I took the summit the last time at a blistering 9 mph pace, I didn't want to do that anymore. So I lit out yonder to Fort Calhoun.

While I enjoyed the tailwind on the way out, I didn't realize how punishing it would be on the way back. I took the Omaha Trace over to 72nd, then took 60th back to Raven Oaks and headed home. All the way back on the Trace, I averaged a heady 14/15 mph. It was miserable. On the other hand, I feel like it was a good day. I drank a lot, A LOT, and I actually ate some solid food for once. It definitely helped. On the other hand, I am wiped out. And I'm going to scout the possible Ralston crit course tomorrow morning with my dad, if anyone wants to go. Then the Wednesday night ride... my high-volume week is going well.

Let's hope it pays off the way I want it to.

I been tagged

And not like that. Anyway, Bryan tagged me. I would link to him, but I am pretty much certain that everyone who reads this also reads his blog. And probably more often than this one. So I have to list seven things about me, in no particular order:

1. When I grow up, I want to be Tim de Waele. He's a cycling photographer who takes amazing shots like these. He may not be the most famous cycling photographer, but he is the best.

2. I was in Academic Decathlon in high school. It consumed my life. It was about 20 hours a week outside of school, which is more than I ever spend on a bike. But it paid off - we ended up second place nationally. I was the state champion in astronomy. I kid you not.

3. I've never had a pet. Not a real one, anyway; we've had a few fish. I'm not sure why we never had pets, but I've never felt like I'm missing anything.

4. Cycling is the only sport I have ever been remotely good at. I am terrible at basketball, I couldn't even name all the positions in football, and I am barely passable at soccer. But I can talk about cycling so much it will bore you to tears.

5. I just bought some new aero bars. It brought the total balance in my checking account to 35 dollars. That's all the money I have.

6. My favorite actor is Peter Sellers.

7. I wish I still lived in Santa Barbara.

Now you know everything there is to know about me. Exciting, isn't it? I would tag someone else with this, but I don't know anyone on blogger who isn't Bryan, so... that doesn't really work.

Now it's off to study. I have an Anthro final tomorrow and then my semester is over.

I survived. That's good enough for now.

I have never been put into such pain on a bicycle in my life. One lap into the Old Cap crit, my lungs were seared. Two laps in, I was convinced I was going to throw up. Five laps in, my whole face went numb. And nine laps in, I got pulled.

That’s an average of about two hours of driving for each lap completed. Not quite what I expected.

Then again, nothing that weekend was what I expected. Originally, my plan was to borrow my aunt’s minivan for the weekend, do the road race and crit, and make it a nice leisurely drive home.

In the end, I couldn’t make it out for the road race because my aunt needed her car. I ended up taking my uncle’s car. It’s a Benz. An S500 AMG, to be precise. With over 400 horsepower. And it costs a hundred thousand dollars.

And he just gave me the keys and told me to be careful.

So I threw my bike in the back and hit the road at 7:30. Google Maps says the drive from Lincoln Park in Chicago to Erik’s house should be four and a half hours. I hopped in the car, got on the 88 Tollway, and set the cruise control at 90. I didn’t slow down until I got to the Quad Cities, and that was just for gas. I rolled up at 11, well before my predicted arrival time. It was awesome.

What was not awesome was the crit the next day. I was completely not prepared for the difficulty of the course or the fitness of the other riders. The intensity of that race from the gun was like a punch in the face. I just kept getting dropped by one guy after another. It wasn’t just physically painful, it fucked with my mind as well.

I was under the impression that the line up at the start was based on registration order. Apparently, Bryan and I were totally wrong here. Everyone lined up as they pleased. Bryan and I lined up in the second row on the right side. What we should have done was elbow our way over to the front row on the left side, because realistically, that race was over in 30 seconds. Once that front group got away, they stayed away. On the very first downhill bit, Kevin Murray from Team FIRE went down and I just about ran over his head. I was overly cautious going through that corner every time after that, because I’ll be damned if I’m going to repeat last summer and bust my arm early in the season. But my start wasn’t the problem.

I have a pretty good cold going on, and it definitely affected me more than I thought it would. My chest is all congested and I have a cough, so it was pretty hard to draw air after a few laps. But that wasn’t the problem either.

The problem is, I’m fat as hell, and totally out of shape. There are a few reasons for this. One, it’s been a really hard semester. A lot more work than I thought it would be, and less sleep than ever before. And secondofly, there are no hills in Chicago. Wind? Tons of it. Bring it on. Tough, cracked roads? I am now an expert. But hills? There are no hills in this state. You have to go to Wisconsin to find some of those, and they aren’t even very good.

Most importantly, though, I’m just pretty lazy. I don’t ride enough, and I don’t make enough time for it. I don’t get on the trainer because I hate it, but if I want to school Bryan like I could last year, I’ve got to get on it. In the 5s, I could do what I did last year and not even own a bike until April, then train for a while and win a bunch of races. I learned in this, my first 4s race, that this new category is a whole different animal. I’ve got to get my ass in gear. Otherwise Bryan will get too cocky.

He should be cocky, though, because he did a great job this weekend. Racing smart to a 5^th place (in the money!) finish in the RR, then hanging in the second group to 10^th in the 4s and 14^th overall in the combined race. I figure pretty much no one who reads this has not raced it, so you guys know how bitchingly hard that course is.

And my new friend Syd made the women’s race her bitch. It was ridiculous. She kept smiling. Smiling. For a point of reference here, I grimaced from the starting gun until I got pulled, my face a mask of agony. Then I almost threw up. Smiling. Jesus.

Many thanks to everyone who helped me survive this race, including Bryan’s friends Erik and Natalie, who let me sleep in their beautiful home, even though they didn’t even know me. And to Bryan, for making sure Kaos still had a strong showing in Iowa in spite of me. Also for finding me a place to stay, and for being a good sport when I browbeat him into signing up for the road race…and then when I didn’t show up. Thanks to Pav for making a sweet 3s race and completely dominating the aggressive rider category. And talking to me. I didn’t even know Pav liked me until Sunday.

And for all of you, for actually reading this godawful post. You deserve some sort of medal. Though I won’t be giving you one.

I am exhausted.

I've been up since 8:15am on Tuesday and I haven't slept at all. It is a miracle that I still somehow functioning. Though I did just sleepwalk through my investigative piece that's due today. We were supposed to work on it this whole semester. I did mine in two days.

This paper is not very good. Not only that, it's pretty bad. And this is the only time I have ever turned in a paper of which I am embarrassed. It's probably a C+ paper and I know it.

Thankfully I've already written of the grade I'm getting in this class. The rest are As, so I'll be okay with a B(-) in there.

I'm getting intensely excited for this race. Unbelievably excited. Every time I think about it or I watch something cycling-related on the computer, my heart rate skyrockets. That could be the 36mg of Concerta coursing through my veins, but I don't think so. It's just pure, unadulterated adrenaline.

Too bad I'm slow. But I'm not going to let that get in my way. I'm going to kick as much ass as I can this weekend and see what happens.

Oh, and if I somehow feel great and ride well, I think I might do Joe Martin. Just thinking about it right now.

Big day today.

I did 83 miles with these guys this morning. It was almost five hours. It was with their 3s, who just got back from a weeklong training camp in Asheville, North Carolina. They were all in pretty good shape, to say the least. We rode far enough north that we rode HILLS. I didn't even know Illinois had hills. I had just finished a pretty long pull on the front when we hit the rollers, so I was caught completely unprepared. It was ugly.

Also present was Rebecca Much, a pro for Webcor. She's a former junior national champion in BOTH road and TT, and she finished second at junior worlds. She's really fast. Really, really fast. She toyed with me all day. Every time I attacked, and even when I countered off one of her attacks, I would look back and there she was, smiling away. She's also the 2005 National U23 crit champion, she she can sprint forever. In short, it was a very, very painful day in the saddle today.